Today, I am truly letting you go

It is a great gift for both of us. It is a very bitter pill to swallow, but I know this is God's will. This is the right thing to do. Be free and know that you are always loved.

Letting go is just the first step

But I love how we discover how strong we are in the process.  I love how fierce and beautiful one can become like Elsa in the movie Frozen (THE MOVIE IS PERFECT).

Now give me this chance to just highlight the fierceness and the empowering qualities of this song hahahaha:

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in; Heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back any more
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care
What they're going to say
Let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway 

It's funny how some distanceMakes everything seem smallAnd the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all 

It's time to see what I can doTo test the limits and break throughNo right, no wrong, no rules for meI'm free 

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go 

You'll never see me cryHere I stand
And here I stay
Let the storm rage on 

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystalizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back,The past is in the past 

Let it go, let it go
When I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand in the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway.

*SLOW CLAP*

This is so great and empowering, and I'd love to say this to your face.  But yes, I know that in the end it should still be love that prevails, not hatred, anger, or fear :)

Friends, songs, and TV shows

Friend 1: "oh well.. it's not too much nga
so it shouldnt be hard.. so if it's hard.. then it's not meant to be
sabi nga ni Nikki Gil, let God write the love story"

You'd be glad to know that my demands are small.

Friend 2: "tingnan mo to leng..
http://teachwithjoy.com/marriage/
hahahah
nung nabasa ko nga to
naalala kita
yep
its growing up time
and setting things straight
that God is number 1
and the rest is number two"

If rain won't change your mind, let it fall.

The rain won't change my heart at all.

Dear God, starting today, I surrender everything to you.  It has really been a hard time.  It still is.  Especially now that hope is springing within me and it is making moving on hard.  Maybe I just have to accept these feelings and not deny them.  I love him still, yes.  But I now put everything in your hands.  I let go and let You write my (love) story.  It can no longer be denied that it is indeed time to grow up...time to set things straight in my life...time to wait on You patiently (as the songs says, it's only time) because I know that You only want the best for me...the best for the both of us.  You've had a big role in our break up and I know You will have a big role in making both of us whole again as individuals.  Thank You so much for always being there.  And thank You for sending such wonderful friends.  I'm know we're not going through this alone...

I told you about all those fears and away they did run.

(Thank You too for these wonderful songs which always play when the mother is around.  I love the mother, she's so different from the gang.  She seems so mature...mature but still fun.)







On the lighter side of things, can the Mendoza family get anymore perfect?  They're not just eye-candy.  What I love the most about them is that they put God first in all things.

My family crush.  I'd be a goddess-like mom too someday.

And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free

Now I can sing For Good without choking into tears.  That's a really great thing.

Plus singing Defying Gravity is REALLY empowering.

I think this is the musical of my life.

I'm so excited for January.

And here's some interesting fact:

WICKED - Broadway
Gershwin Theatre
222 West 51st Street
New York, NY 10019

222.  Curious, curious.

I will definitely visit the Gershwin Theatre someday.  I can feel that something great will happen to me there in the future.

"Trust that everything is working out exactly as it's supposed to, with Divine blessing for everyone involved. LET GO AND HAVE FAITH." 

Letting go is just another way to say I'll always love you so

Those cheesy love songs make so much sense now.

Why I am letting you go

Talking with friends is really helpful.  At least for women like me, because they say men like retreating to their "caves" when they have problems.  (I've been doing some research, a.k.a, reading that famous book entitled, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)

Anyway, I've been stuck at home and at the hospital for the past days due to weather disturbances and because I got sick.  I might also need to stay at home for at least a week (Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!).

Because of this, I am once again reverting back to my denial stage (just a little bit).  I am, as my friend analyzed (being Psych graduates), experiencing cognitive dissonance.  It's really hard for me to let go because in reality, I still love him very much.  My love for him cannot be easily erased because the reason for our break up was because of him and not so much about the relationship.  I can't help but still be concerned and look after his well-being.  So in my mind, I still love him and I would want to care for him, but my actions are focused on letting him go.  Boom.  Cognitive dissonance at the highest level.  This is really making it hard for me right now, especially that I am stuck at home with few things to distract me.  Plus there's only so much a sick person can do.  Last week was the best time for me because I got so focused on my work and I almost forgot about him.  But maybe, God is telling me not to forget, maybe He wants me to always remind myself why I am letting him go.  

To lessen my cognitive dissonance, my first reason for letting him go would be:

1. Because I still love him very much
As suggested by my friend, I should align the reasons in my mind with the actions I am currently taking.  So I now say: 

"I am letting you go because I love you and I want the best for you.   I am letting you go because I love you and I want you to become better.  I am letting you go because I love you and I want you to be happy.  And if breaking up with me would be the best for you,  would make you a better person, and would make you happy, then I'll let you go out of my love for you.  Let this be my final act of love.  Take good care of it."

And to strengthen me as a person, also for me to become better and happier, my second reason for letting him go would be:

2. Because I should love myself more
In my entry Praying, I've already had realizations about this.  I guess I should keep reminding myself that I should love myself more and with that, I should realize that I deserve better:
- I deserve a man who chooses to pursue his dreams with me.
- I deserve a man who thinks that I am strong.
- I deserve a man who thinks that I have a great capacity to love and accept his whole being.
- I deserve to be valued.
- I deserve to be trusted.
- My love deserves to be valued.

Together with letting him go, I let go whatever meaning I have for things associated with us, especially the number: 222.  Every time I see this number now (which is a lot of times), I should think that my angels are telling me that:

"Trust that everything is working out exactly as it's supposed to, with Divine blessing for everyone involved. LET GO AND HAVE FAITH." 

- Angel Numbers 101, Doreen Virtue 

Looking back and considering that it was our number and  that this was the message that comes with it, I have no regrets with the relationship we shared.  It goes to show that everything that happened in the past was Divinely orchestrated.  Everything was (and still is) how it should be, so thank You and thank you.

+ Leng

Thanking

If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her.
Turn off the music, listen to the quiet,
whisper,
"Thank you.  Thank you for stopping by."

---

Thank you for the sweetest surprise after that concert.

Thank you for rushing to the hospital that morning after I got hit by a motorcycle.

Thank you for all the car rides.

Thank you for letting me sleep in the car while you drive after a long and tiring day.

Thank you for letting me rest my head on your lap while you're driving just so I can feel closer to you.

Thank you for always reaching out your hand for me to hold during car rides.

Thank you for having that pillow/small blanket always ready for me whenever you think I'll feel cold.

Thank you for fetching and meeting me after school/work.

Thank you for the compliments.

Thank you for the firsts.

Thank you for the songs.

Thank you for the late night road trips to Tagaytay to celebrate small successes.

Thank you for your genuine interest and knowing my friends and family.

Thank you for making me realize the importance of relationships.

Thank you for the birthday surprise.

Thank you for making me feel loved whenever I feel alone.

Thank you for the fights.

Thank you for always taking me home even after fights.

Thank you for the hugs.

Thank you for the kisses.

Thank you for the anniversaries.

Thank you for the cheap dates at your house.

Thank you for the late night surprise visits after work to spend time with me.

Thank you for instilling in me the importance of continuous learning and improving one's self.

Thank you for the adventures.

Thank you for the fun and spontaneous times.

Thank you for your guidance.

Thank you for always believing in me even though I always felt like a failure whenever I quit doing something.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for lending me money.

Thank you for the patience.

Thank you for treating me out on dinner and movies.

Thank you for the conversations.

Thank you for the quirks.

Thank you for the laughter.

Thank you for the jokes.

Thank you for the crazy times.

Thank you for the inspiration.

Thank you for working with/for me.

Thank you for remembering my favorite things.

Thank you for liking my favorite things.

Thank you for putting up with my issues with authority.

Thank you for bringing me back to God.

Thank you for respecting me.

Thank you for so much joy you brought into my life.  I never knew life could be that happy.

Thank you for taking great care of me and making me feel like a princess.  I was always proud of being independent and strong, I never knew another person could better take care of me.

Thank you for loving me and always telling me I'm beautiful.  I never knew another person could love me more than I love myself.

Thank you for making me dream.  I never knew that the world has such wonderful things to offer to those who truly believe.

Thank you for still holding my hand even though you were already losing the love and you just wanted me to feel loved.

Thank you for being fair.

Thank you for the dreams.

Thank you for being the great man that you are and giving so much of yourself to me.

Thank you for choosing me and truly loving me at some point in your life.

I'm setting my heart free from all the things written down here and for all of the memories that come with them.

Thank you very much for passing by.


+ Leng