Boys make me feel weird

It's 11:49 am. What a coincidence, I just finished reading Chapter 2 of Watchmen. Go Figure.

It's Sunday and it was a very eventful Saturday. And events always leave me with many thoughts in my mind.

"Where's your will to be weird?"
- Jim Morrison

I don't know Jim Morrison. I think he's a musician, I think I'm gonna like him cause he's a rockstar. There's always google and I don't know why some people don't make use of google. As in make use--to make themselves look smart and all-knowing and all that. Yeah, I'm a bad person like that. And people aren't me. Weird. I think you all know the cliche thought (Yeah, cliche thought, I have many of those things, please let me know if they really are cliche and overrated thoughts of a wise ass wannabe like me or not.) that if everyone's unique then we're all not unique by all being unique. Bleh. Post modern fools.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, weirdness. I thrive in weirdness, quirks, oddities and all that stuff. I like it when I'm different but nowadays being not different is what stands out because everyone just wants to be so goddam peculiar. I have many weird friends, from the stereotypical weird people like the artists and the musicians, the vice-driven and libido-obliging ones to the normal-looking, fun-loving ones (I honestly don't know if those hyphens should be there or not). And I must say, I love all of them even with the dregs of my heart. But then you see other people, the ones that seem to be living "the life". They seem so...normal. They're well educated, they have their lovers, they're pretty (I am tempted to mention a race), they're rich, they're smart, they have many good-looking friends, they have hate blogs addressed to their stalkers telling them to leave them and their boyfriend alone etc. etc. etc. To tell you honestly, I haven't formulated a conclusion for this thought of mine. I guess I don't need any. If I will be brutally honest, all I am saying is that I want a relationship other than that with my family and my awesome friends. I have been pushing this want out of my mind since school started--and mind you, I love school, it keeps me distracted, I like homeworks and readings and projects and stuff--but the thought comes back and finds me like the things you cram into hidden spaces when you attempt to clean your room when people visit in such short notice. And I am afraid I weird boys out or something because I'm not like the normal girls who wear nice clothes, who look pretty with their hair swaying with the wind walking around with their pretty friends.

When I was a kid, I've always had this will to be weird or maybe I'm just a painfully quiet and introverted girl whose favorite hobby is to dig up little snail shells in their so-called garden (there goes another hyphen). But now, I'm rethinking my will to be weird just because of stupid boys.

Last Friday, I had a blast with my friends laughing my heart out for about 5 hours. Yesterday, I had a great time because my orgmates had a great time at the Community Building Seminar where I was one of the project heads and also yesterday was a very nice reunion with another circle of high school friends--the artist/musician/libido-obliging ones--in a debut . I was thinking about what emo moment will come after all of that. I think this is it.

My will to be weird was shaken.


+ LeaLeng

I am always more than willing to talk.