Loving you from a distance

During the past four days, I realized that I am okay.  We talked, had lunch, said hi to each other...  At first I tried becoming friends but then I felt that maybe I still should keep my distance.  I am no longer hurt by what you did to me, I can say that I have really forgiven and understood you.  But sometimes, God still brings me to tears and yesterday I realized why when this song was sung:

I realized that I was hurting for you.

Weeks ago I told my friend that I have been asking God to help me move on by slowly diminishing my love for you but to no avail...in fact, I am finding that I am understanding you more and more everyday, and in the process I am being given by God more and more love for you.  This makes it hard for me because of the fact that we can't be together (I've actually talked about this already re: my decision to let you go because I love you).  This friend of mine told me that maybe, God gives me this hope and love for you because maybe you need a prayer warrior, maybe I was the one God tasked to pray for you everyday because I was the one with which you trusted your secret with.  Everyday, I have been praying that you feel that you are loved and that you are a great person. Everyday, I also ask Archangel Michael to shield you and deliver you from any harm, danger, sin, and temptation.  But I am only human and I can't help but become frustrated.  It is clear to me that we can't be together at the moment because you need to sort things out and I also need to get a hold of my life, but it is just really hard loving you from a distance.  I so long to hug you tight and tell you that you are loved.  I long to hold your hand and tell you that everything is going to be alright.  I long to tell you I love you and that I know you can't love me at the moment but just let me love you as a way of letting you know and feel that everything that you are is truly loved.  This is really painful, but the message yesterday was that pain will give us possibilities beyond our imagination.  And so with this, I acknowledge my weakness, I come to God to help me in this task that he has given me.  I guess I'll just let God do all the hugging, hand-holding, and saying 'I love you' for me to you.  I will continue loving you and praying for you from a distance, while I also challenge myself to become the best version of myself ever.

I have a dream for you
It's better than where you've been
It's bigger than your imagination
You're gonna find real love
And you're gonna hold your kids
You'll change the course of generations

I do believe that you'll change the course of your generations, and I will continue praying for your success.  I honestly hope that this dream of God for you includes me in it, but if not, I guess God also has a bigger dream for me.


+ Leng