Hopeful and despressed

Hello,

It has been more than a month already.  I've been sad but also have been very hopeful about my future.  I got a lot of plans and through the help of How I Met Your Mother marathons (because I'm stuck at home for 10 days because of a virus), I get to see that there is really a bigger life out there for me.  And I'm so excited for it!  I even found my dream job!  I should be happy about these things, right?

But you see, every time I have (great) ideas, every time something great happens, every time good news come my way, the first person who pops into my head is him.  I always want him to know the good news first.  I always picture him being happy for me and telling me that I should pursue it.  So far, what this break up is telling me about him is that he really is the best for me...not because I am settling, not because he is my first love and every girl wants to end up with their first love, not because I need him and I am co-dependent on him...it's because I love him, I really do.  I love how he is so kind.  I love how he is kind even though he doesn't want to be kind.  I love how he loves and is passionate about helping and giving back.  I love how funny he is and how he thinks he's funny even though sometimes he's not and it's actually funny how he thinks that way.  I love how he gets amused with the simplest things and he laughs with all his soul, it's contagious and it has made be a happier person.  I love how he loves his friends dearly even though they're not at all that lovable.  I love how much of a dork he is, researching about every detail, every pro's and con's before buying a gadget or any major purchase, while planning for a big date, while planning an itinerary for a trip, etc.  I love how organized and neat he is.  I love how he knows things about every need you might have, may it be medicine, directions to a place, or where to go to mass at certain times of the day.  I love how he surprises me with random small gifts of things he thinks I would like.  I love how much effort he puts in a project for something he truly believes in even though he sometimes (most probably) crams for it.  I love how much he gets to know simple people and always thanks them for the great things they do to make our everyday, seemingly trivial tasks possible.  I love how he loves getting to know people.  I love how he'd pretend to play and listen to his niece even though he's already taking a little nap while doing so.  I love how he insists on always taking me home even though all he wants to do is to sleep.  I love how humble he is and he knows that he should keep improving as a person.  I love how open he is to life and all the great experiences it offers all of us if we only believe.  I love how eager he is to learn.  I love how eager he is to share great experiences with others and even inviting people to experience it for themselves.  I love how he has great dreams.  I love his longing to know God more and how he has influenced me to do so as well.

There's so much more I love about him...but most of all, I love how no matter how bad the situation is, he always does the right thing.  I believe he did the right thing to break up because he knows, he needed to love himself more.

I still haven't replied to his apology.  But I made a decision to reply to him just like how he does to my messages even after the break up (which I appreciate), but what do I say?


+ Leng