Why I am letting you go

Talking with friends is really helpful.  At least for women like me, because they say men like retreating to their "caves" when they have problems.  (I've been doing some research, a.k.a, reading that famous book entitled, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)

Anyway, I've been stuck at home and at the hospital for the past days due to weather disturbances and because I got sick.  I might also need to stay at home for at least a week (Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!).

Because of this, I am once again reverting back to my denial stage (just a little bit).  I am, as my friend analyzed (being Psych graduates), experiencing cognitive dissonance.  It's really hard for me to let go because in reality, I still love him very much.  My love for him cannot be easily erased because the reason for our break up was because of him and not so much about the relationship.  I can't help but still be concerned and look after his well-being.  So in my mind, I still love him and I would want to care for him, but my actions are focused on letting him go.  Boom.  Cognitive dissonance at the highest level.  This is really making it hard for me right now, especially that I am stuck at home with few things to distract me.  Plus there's only so much a sick person can do.  Last week was the best time for me because I got so focused on my work and I almost forgot about him.  But maybe, God is telling me not to forget, maybe He wants me to always remind myself why I am letting him go.  

To lessen my cognitive dissonance, my first reason for letting him go would be:

1. Because I still love him very much
As suggested by my friend, I should align the reasons in my mind with the actions I am currently taking.  So I now say: 

"I am letting you go because I love you and I want the best for you.   I am letting you go because I love you and I want you to become better.  I am letting you go because I love you and I want you to be happy.  And if breaking up with me would be the best for you,  would make you a better person, and would make you happy, then I'll let you go out of my love for you.  Let this be my final act of love.  Take good care of it."

And to strengthen me as a person, also for me to become better and happier, my second reason for letting him go would be:

2. Because I should love myself more
In my entry Praying, I've already had realizations about this.  I guess I should keep reminding myself that I should love myself more and with that, I should realize that I deserve better:
- I deserve a man who chooses to pursue his dreams with me.
- I deserve a man who thinks that I am strong.
- I deserve a man who thinks that I have a great capacity to love and accept his whole being.
- I deserve to be valued.
- I deserve to be trusted.
- My love deserves to be valued.

Together with letting him go, I let go whatever meaning I have for things associated with us, especially the number: 222.  Every time I see this number now (which is a lot of times), I should think that my angels are telling me that:

"Trust that everything is working out exactly as it's supposed to, with Divine blessing for everyone involved. LET GO AND HAVE FAITH." 

- Angel Numbers 101, Doreen Virtue 

Looking back and considering that it was our number and  that this was the message that comes with it, I have no regrets with the relationship we shared.  It goes to show that everything that happened in the past was Divinely orchestrated.  Everything was (and still is) how it should be, so thank You and thank you.

+ Leng